Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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