??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
