after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
