So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
