I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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