Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
