There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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