YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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