The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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