Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
