fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
