remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
