my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
