Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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