well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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