you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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