Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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