I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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