Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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