ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
