dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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