can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
