Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
