So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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