Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
