I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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