Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
