You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
