oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
