So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
