you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
