i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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