How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
