The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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