Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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