proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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