Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How's work?
Spinning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize