my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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