I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can text with my tongue
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
