dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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