Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
