We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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