your parents love me but you hate me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
