i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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