Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
