She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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