He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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