Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
