Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
