I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
