oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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