Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
