Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
