HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
