I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
