Your mouth is God's brothel.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
