can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
