I bet he comes in French.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
