I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
