Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
