Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
