Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
