Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
