hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
