All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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